As the dream progressed, something happened and this amazing creature became sick. My efforts to give him good hay and food failed. I gripped his head and halter, desperately trying to make him swallow medicine. But nothing worked.
My family stands in the field on a sunny day, but I stand at a distance from them, alone and sad. The horse is gone. The field is empty. Then a man appears. I have never seen him before, and I don't know his name. If I recall correctly, his hair is dark brown. His jacket and clothing are more like that of a soldier, maybe from the 18th century, but it was definitely not modern. The man was calm and had gentle, caring eyes. He approached me and might have rested a hand on my arm or shoulder. Although he did not speak, he seemed to be communicating feelings to me, and he understood how I felt. However, I refused to be comforted at that time.
When the man moved away, he rested in the grass a short distance away. He motioned silently with a hand, asking me to come over to him. I was still standing, head held low with the burden of sadness and guilt at the horse's death. But I was growing tired. I finally lifted my head a little and glanced at the stranger in the grass, who was watching me with warm, un-judging eyes.
I slowly moved towards him. As I did, my pain and regret began to lift. With each step I felt better. My muscles, which had been tense and stiff, began to relax. I went down to my knees, felt the soft grass beneath my hands, and I rested my head on the man's chest. He put an arm around me, and I felt as if everything was okay. I felt as if all were forgiven. I closed my eyes. I felt comfortable and safe, and I fell asleep. My dream ended peacefully.
The horse in my dream was named Thunder. For many years he was a real friend to me. On December 17, 2008, I watched him die. It was a long and painful battle with colic. I can't imagine the pain Thunder felt. I admit, I still carry some sadness and guilt. I regret that I did not care for him more properly or give him more of my time and attention. But maybe there is no real reason to feel that way. Perhaps the man in my dream was Thunder in a human form, giving me comfort. I would like to believe this. The man did seem to have a strong connection to the grass and the earth. He was unafraid to be on the ground, and seemed very familiar with it and the grass. Also, the entire dream took place outside in the field that Thunder knew well.
It crosses my mind that the man could also be the wolf spirit that often appears in my dreams. He could have also taken human form to give me comfort after Thunder's death. But I don't think the man had the same type of energy that the wolf usually does. It felt different. I feel as if it's more likely that the man was the horse's spirit.
I also wonder why he was dressed in older clothing. It brings to mind a legend I might have heard a long time ago. I think it was about brave soldiers being reborn as horses in the next life. Perhaps the spirit learned and experienced what he needed to as a horse. After becoming aware of that, maybe the spirit returned in my dream to let me know that I shouldn't be sad any more. I can put some of my negative feelings and memories to rest. I hope that's true. I do feel as if I have another spirit and friend watching over me, and I am thankful for the pleasant ending of the dream.
March 29, 2009
May 1, 2008
A middled-aged man and woman are looking for someone or something. They talked to other people, asking for directions. This couple had a younger woman with them, and I believe she was me. I am the woman because I see from her point of view. We eventually find a couple men to help us. We are in a vehicle when we come to a shopping center. The lights are going off. The store is closing, and people are scurrying to purchase food. Others are stealing it and running away. The men helping us also steal some food.
Maybe I should go backwards though. I remember a part of the dream where I’m in a dim room like a bar, except it’s mostly empty. There is one counter where a couple guards sit. I’m at a lone table, sitting and coloring a drawing. I have a backpack next to me. At the back of the room, I sense another person. He is completely in shadow. I can’t see him, but I don’t like how he makes me feel. I know he is watching me. I start to feel like it is time to leave. I believe I entered the place willingly, but I could be wrong. It’s also possible that I was being held captive, because I sneak out during a disturbance. The guards go outside to check on something they have seen on surveillance cameras.
Maybe at this point, the older lady and gentleman help me. It’s also at this point that I begin to realize something bad is happening. There is like a war starting, and we look for a safer place to stay.
The man leads us to a house, and he talks to a guard there, convincing him that we are friends of the master or owner of the house. This new man is strange in a way, but he is also kind. I think he is actually someone quite powerful, like a magician or wizard, but those aren’t really the best words to describe him. He always has plenty of food. The chocolate pasteries are my favorites. The oddest and most noticeble thing is the interior of the house. It is all shades of blue. The painter, as I will now call him, continuously repaints the rooms of the house. The shades of blue are the most beautiful, painted in intricate, expressive patterns.
One day as I watch him paint, I ask him why he only uses blue. He says it is because he is poor. That is the only color he can buy, or it is the only color people don’t use often. I tell him that one day, I will buy him more colors. He simply nods and smiles. I think I begin to fall in love with the painter of few words. After being in the house for a while, I begin to understand that he is creating a protective barrier by constantly changing the rooms. All the symbols and patterns he paints change the energy in and around the house. He is keeping us hidden.
Something goes wrong though. The dream does not end peacefully. One day, soldiers find the house.
The painter tells the older couple and me that it’s not safe any more. The house seems to crumble around us. I remember being on cliffs over a waterfall. The cliffs were breaking apart too because the soldiers were attacking. Then, beautiful, calming music filled my ears. It penetrated my spirit and lifted me upward. I transformed into a bird. I didn’t really have a physical body. I was spirit. I was soaring and flying away from the danger. It was one of the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. It was like flying through a rainbow. I was free! But not for very long. The painter had probably put the spell on me and the couple so we could escape. I did fly for a long distance, but when I turned to fly into space, a voice told me I couldn’t go that far. I had to return.
It’s as if I blinked, and I was flying above the desert. Red mesas and cliffs passed by below me. I was back in my human body. I think the older couple was flying too, but the painter wasn’t there. Someone else had taken his place.
Below, I saw more soldiers on horses. The horses were able to run and jump almost vertically across the mesas and cliffs. They were clearly chasing us. At this point, I understand that some person was trying to take control of the land. In order to accomplish that goal, he needed to find and destroy the powerful protectors of the land. Again, they are similar to wizards. They are strong and use some form of magic and energy manipulation.
I blink again. I’m sitting in a room beside a powerful, dark man. He seems to be cloaked in shadow like a dark silhouette. But I’m not afraid of him. I think I’m actually glad to be there. But I’m also feeling guilty. By being there, I have put this man at risk. The person trying to conquer the land has found this shadowed man’s hidden fortress. He is using his energy to keep us safe, but the soldiers are breaking through his defenses. The rooms shake. I see the older couple there too, across the room. They have done their best and protected me as long as they could, but they can’t do anything against the combined strength of all the soldiers.
My new protector, the stranger beisde me, has his arm tightly around me. I feel tired and my head is on his shoulder. I’m causing him to be in danger. His face comes close to mine. A hood he wears puts me in shadow too. He holds a device that shows the remaining strength of the defenses around the fortress. The number of green bars decreas as explosions cause more shaking damage.
We don’t have much time he says in a deep, calm voice. The soldiers are coming soon, but he seems unafraid while I tremble. But I could be trembling because he is closer to me now. He puts away the useless device he had to monitor the fortress. His hand clasps mine. Our lips almost touch.
But I still feel guilty for leading the soldiers to this man. I turn to a window and look down on the struggling soldiers. The magic, though weakened, is killing many of them. Horses leap away screaming and rider-less down the red mesa cliffs.
The man is silently, patiently watching me. I face him, and he leans in toward me. Our lips touch tentatively at first. Soon, he is hugging and kissing me strongly.
The soldiers are approaching. The fortress is almost defenseless. Yet this strange man seems unworried. I don’t know what he has planned, but giving up and being captured clearly isn’t part of that plan. Unfortunately, I don’t know what happens next. That’s where I woke up, with intense kisses slowly fading from my lips.
Looking back, I feel like the painter and the mysterious man, dressed in the deepest black and masked in shadow were possibly the same person. Being a painter was possibly a disguise, and the other form showed this man’s true power and determination. It was clear that he is capable of affection and caring for me. However, there was something sad about him. It seemed like I was the only person who ever understood him or accept him for his powers and how he truly was as a person. I also don’t know why I needed the protection, but maybe the tyrant trying to conquer the land knew I was this other man’s love or that he cared deeply for me. Maybe that’s why he was sad and also guilty. His power and resposibility to fight and defend the land had put me in danger.
I could probably some up with some other therories, but I honestly don’t know for sure. It was just a dream. But it was a dream I kind of wish was real. I kind of wish I could have stayed and died beside this man, but maybe I should be careful what I wish for.
Maybe in some alternate universe that powerful shadowed man is fighting an epic battle. I wish him a glorious victory. Maybe he will come find me one day...
Yeah...Back to reality. I have class work to finish.
I was in the city, walking down the road, and people were staring at me. It was because four or five white wolves were following me. I came to a stop in a parking garage. Too many people were watching, and the wolves needed to leave. They turned and faded into the shadows. But one lingered.
I kneeled and beckoned to him. He slowly approached and allowed me to pet his neck. He said he had something to give me. I held out my hands, and a small pouch dropped from the wolf's mouth into them. He said I must not open the pouch. I needed to search for and find something else. He couldn't tell me anymore and disappeared.
So I walked through the city all night searching for something. I didn't know where I was going or why. I just had the pouch given to me by the white wolf. I finally climbed to the top of a building, and it seemed like a dead end. I didn't know where else to go. But there was a man there. It seemed like a strange place to find another person.
He asked what I was doing there. I said I was searching for something, and it seemed like I was lost. He offered to help me and asked if I had any clues or anything that might point the way. All I had was the pouch, and if I remember correctly, I let him see it after some hesitation. I believe I told him it couldn't be opened. The end of the dream is fuzzy. I'm not sure if this happened or not, but I think he told me not to be afraid. Then, we might have opened the pouch together.
Last night I had a dream about wolves. It’s been several hours since I had the dream. I don’t remember everything correctly, and I’m not sure of the exact order. Maybe I had two separate dreams.
In one part, I think I was at home. There was a large black wolf and a puppy, a very young wolf that was gray. I just remember watching the two wolves play, and for a little while I played with them. I believe the older wolf was teaching the young one. He might have been trying to teach me too. But I’m not sure what he was trying to teach us.
In the other part of the dream, I remember being in the woods. I was at an old camp where my dad hunts sometimes. Or maybe that’s where the dream-place reminds me of. I do remember thinking that dad was hunting. I was alone, outside on the porch. I heard coyotes yelping loudly and coming in my direction. I howled like a wolf to frighten them away. They still came though. The coyotes started to come through the woods. Then they were scared by something else and ran away. That’s when I heard other wolves howl. They came from the woods and played near me for a few minutes. As they began to drift back into the woods, I remembered that mom was walking alone. The sun was setting, and I was afraid the coyotes would attack her. The wolves sensed my fear, seemed to understand me, and quickly ran to find and protect her. The leader stayed a few moments longer, starring at me. I wasn’t afraid. His power reassured me and gave me comfort. Once I was calmer, he drifted into the lengthening shadows to follow the others. The dream ended as I caught sight of my mom, returning safely from her walk.
I woke up and thought about the leader’s stance, and the way he looked at me and how he made me feel. It’s as if he was telling me that he would protect me. His pack and all the wolves would always be there to help me. It was a wonderful feeling. During the dream I remained a human, but I think the wolves can sense other wolves on a spiritual level.
July 29, 2007