Usually at night when I lie still and quiet, I feel most of my body phantom-shift into a wolf. Arms become forelegs, fingers shorten into paws, legs shorten and feet also become paws. It’s becoming easy to feel a tail. Sometimes I feel it wag whenever I feel good or get excited about something. Sometimes when I’m sitting, my tail is curled around me so it won’t be sat on. I also feel ears at night. It’s harder to imagine or feel my face elongate, but on some occasions I can feel the powerful jaws and more teeth. It’s also a nice surprise to feel fur on most of my body too.
There was a time when mental shifts came unexpectedly and they were confusing. But now I believe or feel as if the wolf is almost constant. When I’m alone, I might shift deeper into the wolf. In other words, my actions and movements are more wolf-like, but I can’t stay that way all the time.
However, the last few nights, I’ve been shifting into something else. I tried to resist it. I thought I was only a wolf, but maybe I was wrong. My arms didn’t become thin wolf legs. They felt heavy, muscular, and bulky. I asked myself what animals are like that. Tigers, lions, and other large cats came to mind, but I don’t really feel feline. I might have a few small feline characteristics. There has been a pet cat in the family as long as I can remember, and I do mimic the current one at times. My Chinese zodiac is also the tiger, but I just don’t feel like it’s a major part of me. My Greek zodiac is Sagittarius. I do believe I have the horse as a spirit guide, but it’s not a constant either. The wolf is constant, always there, just under the surface.
So, the new feeling isn’t a cat. Then I thought about bears. They are large and heavy, especially grizzly bears. But that didn’t fit. Neither did black bears. They are smaller and the size didn’t seem right. I was about to give up and dismiss the feeling when polar bear came to mind. I’ve never felt like I had a bear as a spirit guide, and I never imagined having one as a major part of my being. I let the heavy, bulky sensation of front legs come again. My hands felt odd too, much bigger. I pictured a polar bear in my mind, lumbering across the snow. The way its front legs moved, muscular and thick, felt right this time. The large paws that helped it walk across the snow also fit. And the white of its fur seemed strangely accurate.
That was last night. Today, I considered it again. I know I need to research polar bears and their behavior. I also need to see if the feeling or shifts continue or get stronger. But as I was picturing the polar bear in my mind, the wolf came forward too. I saw the wolf’s face and polar bear’s face together, slightly transparent and on top of one another, as if the bear is now and equal part of me, and the wolf and bear have an understanding. They are there to work together.
I had been in a rut for a while. I felt like I wasn’t advancing or growing spiritually, but after thinking of the bear, I felt a lot better today. I was more active, energetic, alert, and awake. It felt good. Maybe it’s just the feel of fall in the air though. So I’ll keep thinking of the bear, and wait for more shifts. See what happens and how it makes me feel.
July 30, 2007