ulfrvif: Stylized, Nordic wolf head. (Default)

Usually at night when I lie still and quiet, I feel most of my body phantom-shift into a wolf. Arms become forelegs, fingers shorten into paws, legs shorten and feet also become paws. It’s becoming easy to feel a tail. Sometimes I feel it wag whenever I feel good or get excited about something. Sometimes when I’m sitting, my tail is curled around me so it won’t be sat on. I also feel ears at night. It’s harder to imagine or feel my face elongate, but on some occasions I can feel the powerful jaws and more teeth. It’s also a nice surprise to feel fur on most of my body too.

There was a time when mental shifts came unexpectedly and they were confusing. But now I believe or feel as if the wolf is almost constant. When I’m alone, I might shift deeper into the wolf. In other words, my actions and movements are more wolf-like, but I can’t stay that way all the time.

However, the last few nights, I’ve been shifting into something else. I tried to resist it. I thought I was only a wolf, but maybe I was wrong. My arms didn’t become thin wolf legs. They felt heavy, muscular, and bulky. I asked myself what animals are like that. Tigers, lions, and other large cats came to mind, but I don’t really feel feline. I might have a few small feline characteristics. There has been a pet cat in the family as long as I can remember, and I do mimic the current one at times. My Chinese zodiac is also the tiger, but I just don’t feel like it’s a major part of me. My Greek zodiac is Sagittarius. I do believe I have the horse as a spirit guide, but it’s not a constant either. The wolf is constant, always there, just under the surface.

So, the new feeling isn’t a cat. Then I thought about bears. They are large and heavy, especially grizzly bears. But that didn’t fit. Neither did black bears. They are smaller and the size didn’t seem right. I was about to give up and dismiss the feeling when polar bear came to mind. I’ve never felt like I had a bear as a spirit guide, and I never imagined having one as a major part of my being. I let the heavy, bulky sensation of front legs come again. My hands felt odd too, much bigger. I pictured a polar bear in my mind, lumbering across the snow. The way its front legs moved, muscular and thick, felt right this time. The large paws that helped it walk across the snow also fit. And the white of its fur seemed strangely accurate.

That was last night. Today, I considered it again. I know I need to research polar bears and their behavior. I also need to see if the feeling or shifts continue or get stronger. But as I was picturing the polar bear in my mind, the wolf came forward too. I saw the wolf’s face and polar bear’s face together, slightly transparent and on top of one another, as if the bear is now and equal part of me, and the wolf and bear have an understanding. They are there to work together.

I had been in a rut for a while. I felt like I wasn’t advancing or growing spiritually, but after thinking of the bear, I felt a lot better today. I was more active, energetic, alert, and awake. It felt good. Maybe it’s just the feel of fall in the air though. So I’ll keep thinking of the bear, and wait for more shifts. See what happens and how it makes me feel.  

Wolf Daughter
July 30, 2007

ulfrvif: Stylized, Nordic wolf head. (Default)
I remember a group of people gathered for an event at a large indoor stadium. The event had not started yet. People milled around, finding their seats. I was in the large concourse that surrounds the stadium. Suddenly, behind me, I heard screaming. People began running through the doors from the seated section and towards me. They were rushing for the exits, and I started running too.

But a feeling held me back. What were these people running from? I still heard screams from within the stadium area. An instinct to turn back and go help them was too strong to resist. I pushed against the terrified crowd until I reached an open space and gained speed. As I ran, the adrenaline and sense of urgency caused a transformation to take place. I leaped, the air shimmered around me with energy, and suddenly I was coming back down on front paws. I was a wolf.

I took a sharp corner into a passage that lead to the stadium. Once inside, I saw a hole ripped into the ceiling. A cloud, thick and dark like a thunderhead, had descended from the sky. But it was no ordinary storm. This cloud concealed a powerful demon. It began to harm people and devour them. Many tried to run away, but most were trapped.

Many people were throwing debris at the demon, but they did it no harm. I sensed that I was the only one who could harm the demon and drive it away. I charged toward the demon, striking it with my claws and biting with my fangs. But it was strong. My attack caused it very little harm. It tossed me to the ground, effortlessly. But I was not deterred. I lashed out again and again, growling viciously as the demon roared at me. Many times, I was thrown down, but each time, I stood up again.

Time can be strange and warped in dreams. I do not know how long I fought the demon. It could have been minutes, but it seemed more like hours. After all that time, the demon was still strong and injured only slightly. My body was aching and hurting. I was battered, bruised, and covered in cuts. I was weak, barely able to stand, and breathing harshly, but I would not stop fighting. I was determined to keep fighting. My choices were to kill the demon or die trying. I accepted that fate. I gathered my strength and howled.

To my surprise, the howl seemed to scare the demon. I howled again. The demon moaned and a spasm shook its body. I howled again, louder and stronger. The demon was hurt by my voice, and it thrashed about violently. I jumped at the demon, and my fangs sunk in deep. I clawed its hide furiously. Now, the demon's defenses were weakened, and it could be wounded more easily. I was forced to the ground, but it would be for the last time. I stood on exhausted legs, lifted my head, and howled again, louder than before. The demon was unable to protect itself or escape from my song.

I lowered my head to catch my breath and collect my energy for one final attack. As my last howl was set free, everything shook and vibrated as if from an earthquake. Suddenly, the demon cried out in great pain. Sunlight broke through, blazed into the room, and the demon was destroyed and defeated.

I’m unsure if I remained a wolf or transformed back into a human. All I remember is collapsing. As my eyes closed, I knew I had done my part. I had helped protect the people. The demon was gone, and they were safe. The dream faded into blackness as I passed out, and the dream ended.

Wolf Daughter

June 14, 2007

ulfrvif: Stylized, Nordic wolf head. (Default)
The first dream shift I experienced was many years ago, when I was beginning to realize that I had a wolf soul. I was standing on a beach, in my wolf form. I believe my coat was a dark gray, like the tumbling clouds above me. The wind blew in strong gusts, and it was wonderful to feel it go through my fur and move my tail. I felt all four of my legs and paws. I was a strong young wolf. I watched the waves crash onto the shore. I smelled the wet sand, the salt, and the storm out at sea, on the horizon. I began to run as fast as I could. The dream was very vivid and I felt the sand shift under my paws. My whole body moved with power and strength that I’ve never felt before. Then, I saw a man in front of me. I recognized my father, and I slowed to a trot. I tried to speak to him, but he didn’t understand me. He was afraid of me and attacked. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I had to defend myself. I ended up biting his arm and running away. Part of me felt sorry to leave him behind, but I kept running. I was free.

Wolf Daughter
April 10, 2007

Note: In 2013 I participated in Brooklyn Art Library's Sketchbook Project. I drew quick little illustrations of many dreams that I'd had over the years, including this dream about being a wolf on a beach. I will be adding more from the sketchbook to future blogs, but the full book can be viewed here: https://www.sketchbookproject.com/library/13260.


ulfrvif: Stylized, Nordic wolf head. (Default)

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