ulfrvif: Stylized, Nordic wolf head. (Default)
Saturday night I dreamed of a horse. He was a very light brown, almost white, or what would be considered a "flea-bitten" coloration. He was very strong and spirited. In the beginning of the dream, even as he grazed in the field, a mischievous, playful sparkle was in his eyes. When need be, this horse was calm and well-mannered. It seemed as if he was always aware of  my presence and location. He seemed careful and caution of his strength because he didn't want to harm me when I was near him.

As the dream progressed, something happened and this amazing creature became sick. My efforts to give him good hay and food failed. I gripped his head and halter, desperately trying to make him swallow medicine. But nothing worked.

My family stands in the field on a sunny day, but I stand at a distance from them, alone and sad. The horse is gone. The field is empty. Then a man appears. I have never seen him before, and I don't know his name. If I recall correctly, his hair is dark brown. His jacket and clothing are more like that of a soldier, maybe from the 18th century, but it was definitely not modern. The man was calm and had gentle, caring eyes. He approached me and might have rested a hand on my arm or shoulder. Although he did not speak, he seemed to be communicating feelings to me, and he understood how I felt. However, I refused to be comforted at that time.

When the man moved away, he rested in the grass a short distance away. He motioned silently with a hand, asking me to come over to him. I was still standing, head held low with the burden of sadness and guilt at the horse's death. But I was growing tired. I finally lifted my head a little and glanced at the stranger in the grass, who was watching me with warm, un-judging eyes.

I slowly moved towards him. As I did, my pain and regret began to lift. With each step I felt better. My muscles, which had been tense and stiff, began to relax. I went down to my knees, felt the soft grass beneath my hands, and I rested my head on the man's chest. He put an arm around me, and I felt as if everything was okay. I felt as if all were forgiven. I closed my eyes. I felt comfortable and safe, and I fell asleep. My dream ended peacefully.

The horse in my dream was named Thunder. For many years he was a real friend to me. On December 17, 2008, I watched him die. It was a long and painful battle with colic. I can't imagine the pain Thunder felt. I admit, I still carry some sadness and guilt. I regret that I did not care for him more properly or give him more of my time and attention. But maybe there is no real reason to feel that way. Perhaps the man in my dream was Thunder in a human form, giving me comfort. I would like to believe this. The man did seem to have a strong connection to the grass and the earth. He was unafraid to be on the ground, and seemed very familiar with it and the grass. Also, the entire dream took place outside in the field that Thunder knew well.

It crosses my mind that the man could also be the wolf spirit that often appears in my dreams. He could have also taken human form to give me comfort after Thunder's death. But I don't think the man had the same type of energy that the wolf usually does. It felt different. I feel as if it's more likely that the man was the horse's spirit.

I also wonder why he was dressed in older clothing. It brings to mind a legend I might have heard a long time ago. I think it was about brave soldiers being reborn as horses in the next life. Perhaps the spirit learned and experienced what he needed to as a horse. After becoming aware of that, maybe the spirit returned in my dream to let me know that I shouldn't be sad any more. I can put some of my negative feelings and memories to rest. I hope that's true. I do feel as if I have another spirit and friend watching over me, and I am thankful for the pleasant ending of the dream.

Wolf Daughter
March 29, 2009
ulfrvif: Stylized, Nordic wolf head. (Default)
The following poem is about the wolf spirit within and the watchful spirits of other wolves who have helped guide me through life. It is also about reaching a place, or state of mind, where I could accept what I was and stop denying.

"Dare to Follow"
I stand in a dream
That shows true reality.
The one I hide inside.
Colorless and cold.
A desolate place.
Containing only a weak heart,
A trapped spirit,
And a broken soul.
All stunted and barren.
Clouds filled only with torment and sorrow,
Raining memories full of regret.
Screams and cries are carried on the wind.
How do I escape?
Which direction?

Follow me.

A voice whispers at my side.
A calming presence
Stirring new life into my spirit
As I look up towards the horizon...
A wolf stands there, looking back at me.

Will you follow me?
Strength and courage will be tested.
Also your faith, loyalty, and love.
Beyond your past awaits the future!
Face all doubt and emptiness.
Conquer all fears.
I am here.

One step at a time, I follow my guide, leaving the pain behind...

Wolf Daughter
December 31, 2007

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